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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 11 PART 04

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: April 25, 2025

Table of Contents: Introduction Part 01-09 Chapter 01 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 07 Chapter 02 [1.] Emergency A. Recaps of the 5 High Priority In My Life B. Important Note 01 (Giving Myself A Break) [2.] 1984 My Birth Place A. How To Appreciate Something That Is Very Hard To Appreciate B. Bread Days C. American Red Cross Foundation Providing Donations To My Country-Side C. Taking Bus To the City

Emergency

Recaps of the 5 High Priority In My Life

In the prelude section, "Recaps of the 5 High Priority In My Life" before the Introduction, I wrote about the Emergency of my situation. The following is what I wrote:

Please leave me feedbacks. I started posting up PTTS post at tumblr.com (first account link, tratct.tumblr.com) starting on December 2016. From December 2016 until now, April 2025 I haven't receive any feedback on the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com. This is my second account (second account link, versussystem2.tumblr.com).

I need donations to replace my broken cell-phones.

I need a cell-phone to verifies my gmail account. And, youtube account.

I need donations to repair or replace my camcorder that is not working.

My foods supplies could only last for months of time. So, I need donations. Or, if my account(s) are verified, then I could use my account(s) to do fundraising to make some money to buy some foods.

It is very serious matter. So, I used the word, "Emergency". To clear the very confusing and be discrete about my situation, I want to point that my situation is not a game. It is not a joke.

I need help. If you don't know my meaning of "I need help". Then, see that "I need help" mean please help me with #1-5.

I have already went through many of the problems and arguments in my life in Introduction Part 01-09 and Chapter 01. So, if you still confused about my situation, then please read it again if you have to.

Even though, I know that if I don't get help soon on #1-5, then #1-5 will kill me. But, I'm not going to torment myself with the tormenting thoughts until I kill myself. Example: I have no feedback on my PTTS posts. I have no incomes on posting up my PTTS posts. I'm very confused about posting my PTTS posts. It is like I'm being forced to be starve to death.

Like I wrote in Introduction Part 01-09 and Chapter 01, I'm giving myself a break that I didn't gave up on myself. And, I continue to struggle until I die trying to get some help.

Important Note 01 (Giving Myself A Break)

Like I wrote above, I'm giving myself a break. I'm going to see this break as "My Last Words". Or, "I Says Too Much But Not Enough".

The following is the break I'm giving myself:

[Begin]

There was a time where I though I could find happiness. Because of those happiness thoughts, I thought of family. So, this healing process is to the family that I thought it was possible for me.

As for the world, how I got sunk so low would argued as I'm at the world mercy. So, if the world have mercy on me, then the world would ignore me. If the world doesn't ignore me, then where ever I go the world will be hunting me and finding ways to criticize me. So, my First Place Championship and achievements would be out of the question.

Along the way of writing it. After I completed it. If nothing changes. How it happen are facts and evidences.

If you are like the world hunting me and finding ways to criticize me, then no matter what you read about me. You will look for ways to hunt me and criticize me.

Putting the voices in my head to the side. It is sad for me to point out at the end how much happiness could an isolated and lonely person found?

[End]

[Meditation Argument Begin]

I was in Mesa College Yoga class for a few weeks. I have watched Mesa College Yoga class before. And, I have watched Yoga fitness training video before.

The harmony, tranquility, and serenity atmosphere/setting in the Yoga class would help out the healing process. Including calmness and not under a lot of pressures.

So, I would argues that very stress out. Under a lot of pressures. And, begging for help. Could get on the way of the healing process.

[Meditation Argument End]

1984 My Birth Place

How To Appreciate Something That Is Very Hard To Appreciate

In "Leadership Controversy" and "Bad Luck With Grilfriends Redemption", I briefly summarized my birth place. The people who I live with at my birth place. In this section, "My Birth Place", I'm going into more details about my birth place.

I would argues that the healing process interpretation vary from each person's point of views. As for me, I want the healing process to make my very confusing situation lesser confusing. So, for now I'm going with my healing process interpretation by making the very confusing lesser confusing. Anyway, it seem like self-explanatory. Because I have been complaining about my situation is very confusing. Because it is self-explanatory, this mean readers are expecting me to want to make the very confusing lesser confusing. I'll put it at: self-explanatory and expected.

What happen if I come upon an event in my life that is very confusing? Do I avoid that event, so that event doesn't create more confusions in my life?

My answer is writing about how I remembered on how it happen is the goal. This goal would able me to be on track. Because there are a lot of game activities in my life such as video games, TM Games, sports, and so on. So, I vibe the following arguments: Are you playing game by conspiring conspiracies? And/or, come clean if you want to have lesser confusions. At the same time, since it is a healing process. So, I want the healing process to have priority in what I wrote.

In "Daily Tormenting Argument (Introduction Part 07)", I wrote the following:

[Quote 01 Begin]

"The early years and inferior background days. Life is tough. The inferior background would be hard for me to point out the following: Life is a very tough struggle. I have wishful thoughts that life don't have to be such a tough struggle. But, if I don't push myself. And, step up. Then, life would be even a tougher struggle. So, there are times to get through those very tough struggles. I would tells myself count my blessing. I'm better than the people in the orphanage, asylum, and jail.

There is no easy way to talk about I'm being tormented daily. And, during my childhood years, because of my inferior background, so I'm discouraged and oppressed to talk about the problems in my life."

[Quote 01 End]

Quote 02: "I want this healing process to focus on the following: 1. I'm dealing with the daily tormenting argument in my life daily. 2. The things I was too discouraged to talk about during my childhood years, because of my inferior background. 3. The argument is how I felt about my father is how people felt about me."

From those 2 quotes, I'm discouraged to write about my history. Or, no one would read about what I wrote, because of the inferior background and oppression.

That is what is been bothering when I just started brainstorming on writing this healing process. After going through the problems in my life and arguments against me in Introduction Part 01-09 and Chapter 01, I sees that writing about my history is giving myself reasons for acceptance and forgiveness. Also, I don't have to torment myself with tormenting thoughts. It is the same meaning as healing process.

I'm going to begin.

I was born in May 03, 1984. In the country of Vietnam. My mother, Sok Nighim Hoi. And, my father, Chung Wun Lam. Told me that I was born inside my house. Not the hospital.

My House Address: Written in my father's autobiography book: "Lo, A3, 106, 979A Sand Be Vietnam." The location (country-side) is called "Sand Be".

Just months old, my parents told me that I was the most beautiful baby the country-side have ever seen. My parents' relatives, friends, and neighbors would asked my parents for me to sleep over at their houses. Or, they asked my parents for my parents' permission to be my nanny or godparents.

It is a celebration for my country-side for having the most beautiful and beloved baby in my country-side.

When I'm around 5-6 years and able to understand about comprehension and meaning. There are days, I sees the ruins of the country-side. Example: The fishing pond me, my brothers, friends, and neighbors go fishing. It actually a landmine that exploded or an airstrike bomb that was dropped at that spot.

The army have cleared away all the landmines. The Red Cross foundation have double checked that area to make sure it is safe for children.

Yet, for some reasons it doesn't seem normal for me to sees that the people in my country-side to use the empty bombshell as materials to create things or scraps of metal for metalworks.

The people in the country-side doesn't see it as an empty bombshell. Those people see it as scraps of metal for metalworks.

I would told myself one day when I'm old enough to be elected as an official. Then, try to make some senses to the thoughts I have.

From those early years observation of my country-side, how could a poor and not well developed country-side have such a beautiful and beloved baby?

Another third world country with children die from famine and poverty each years. What is there to know? But, I grew up there from the moment I was born to when I'm 8 years old.

No matter how inferior/unimportant it is to the world. How much a greedy person would want to argue that a major disaster happen to my country-side is an act of mercy to kill all those people in my country-side. So, those people don't have to live a miserable life, because of the famine and poverty.

But, my country-side is where I grew up. And, I have to adapt and learn how to live there. To appreciate something that is very hard to appreciate.

On contrary, the people in my country-side make prayers in the altars and temples to not have a major disaster in my country-side.

Bread Days

The bread bakers wake up very early in the morning. Probably 4:00-5:00 AM. And, go to the bread store (I sometime called bread factory) and start baking breads. The bicycle bread sellers would be at the bread store at probably around 6:00-7:00 AM to have a basket of breads. Then, sell that basket of breads in the streets and sidewalks.

My house is about a mile away from the bread store. Yet, I could smell the basket of breads from the bicycle bread sellers.

Once in awhile, my mother would buy 1-3 breads from the bicycle bread seller. Buying 3 breads days are very rare. Then, my mother would told me, my 2 brothers, and 2 sisters to share those 1-3 breads. 1 bread is about 12 inches long. Most of time I get about 1/3 of a bread (4 inches). Rare days, I got half of a bread (6 inches).

Buying bread days is my mother rewarding us or giving us a treat. So, there are times, we would celebrated by cheering about it. There are times as part of the celebration me and my siblings would argues about the most delicious ways to eat those breads.

There were a few times, I managed to save my piece of bread for later in the day. It is very shocking when I take it out in the middle of the day. I get shocking expressions from my siblings, "No way. You still have your bread."

The 2 common ways to eat the bread are the following: 1. Eat the inside of the bread first. The soft and warm part. Then, eat the outside of the bread. The crushes and crispy part. 2. Just eat the bread.

The most favored way is to spread some condensed milk on it. But, having condensed milk would be a bigger reward than bread from our mother.

So, a lot of times, me and my siblings would sprinkle some black-peppers on our breads. Then, add a little bit of soy-sauce over it.

All those listed ways to eat our breads above consider as tasteful ways to eat our breads. Nevertheless, me and my siblings look forward to bread days.

American Red Cross Foundation Providing Donations To My Country-Side

Even though, the argument is I'm the most beautiful and beloved baby in my country-side. But, I would defends myself with the following: I was around 5-6 years old. How much power could I have?

I would argues my priority is to know my limitation and capability as a 5-6 years old most beautiful and beloved baby.

A lot of people greeted my father as "Hong Kong" from the city of Hong Kong. From acknowledging my limitation and capability, I could only know that my father went to the city of Hong Kong for important things. Or, on a business trip for important business meetings.

What if the argument is my father live in Hong Kong, and he is doing a good deed by being in the country-side to live with me, my mother, and my siblings?

To avoid the confusion, I would keep it at: How could I know why my father went to Hong Kong if I was not with him?

I can't figure out the pattern on my father going to Hong Kong trips. So, I'm going to keep it at: He goes to Hong Kong 1-3 times each years.

Each time he return from Hong Kong, he would bring multiple packages with him. The packages have things from Hong Kong. Some of those things that you can't buy it in Vietnam. Example: The high-tech transformer action figure called Super Valkyrie. Even in the most high-tech toy stores in the capital city of Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh you can't find a toy anywhere as high-tech as Super Valkyrie.

Anyway, those packages is not about the breakthrough technology or super high-tech. It is essential supplies for our family to live our daily life. Because I don't know why he went to Hong Kong, so whatever he bring back with him from Hong Kong to Vietnam, our family would appreciate those packages.

Since essential supplies is the high priority to continue to live our daily life. So, I keep it at: essential supplies.

Once in awhile, I would overheard my parents talking about relatives from different countries in the world would send our family packages. I remember asking my mother, "Who send us this tennis ball?" My mother replied. "Your grandmother from France told your aunt from France to add in a tennis ball into the package."

"What is tennis ball? It is like table tennis (Ping-Pong)?" I remember thinking out loud that question in front of the family. Because there is a Ping-Pong (table tennis) stadium only a few houses from our house.

"So, you want it or not? I could send it back to your grandmother." My mother would answered my question.

"No way. This tennis ball is so awesome. I can't wait to play with it." I would replied. Then, I would ran out of the house with that tennis ball.

Based on what my mother told me about that tennis ball, packages send by relatives could be true.

Even though, I know there are foundations all over the world that provide donations to help places that need help. And/Or, provide donations to Third World Countries suffering from famine and poverty. But, the American Red Cross stand out the most. I think because the Red Cross is an universal symbol that mean help and hospitality.

There are not a lot of evidences to indicate my family receiving donations from the American Red Cross. But, I would argues when my parents just arrived in the country-side of Vietnam on 1978 and trying to settle down. My parents would look for any donations possible to help them able to settle down. This mean they could have received donations from the American Red Cross foundation.

In addition, the American Red Cross donations are essential supplies. Example of essential supplies: Clothes, blankets, first aid kit including medicines, storable foods, kerosene oil for oil lamps and other equipment, and so on.

Like I wrote above, I'm 5-6 years old, because I don't have a lot of power, so I'm struggling to know what is going on as much as I can.

If American Red Cross is providing donations to my country-side. Also, because my family need essential supplies for our daily life. Then, my family would have received those donations.

What if I made a mistake, because I was only around 5-6 years old? It wasn't the American Red Cross foundation, but it is the Vietnam government providing donations to help out the refugees who needed essential supplies? How could I tells the different between American Red Cross and Vietnam government, because I was only 5-6 years old?

From my observation, the essential supplies are from the following:

Packages my father brought back from Hong Kong.

Packages send by relatives from another country.

Donations from American Red Cross foundation.

My family would purchase at the market place (AKA swap meet). And/or, make trades with the neighbors.

Taking Bus To the City

Like I wrote above, it is true that my parents told me that when I'm only months old, my country-side already claimed that I'm the most beautiful and beloved baby in my country-side.

It is true my father told me among all his children including the children he adopted. I have always been his favorited child.

Each time my father return from his Hong Kong trip, I would ran over to him and gave him a big hug. He would hug me back. Then, to break ice, he would trick me in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissor. Me and him would laugh at his trick. Example: He show me he going to cheat by telling me he is going for rock. Then, he would switch to Scissor at the very last second. Me and him would laugh.

Then, inside the house, he would be seated at his chair and embraced me by having me seated on his thigh. Then, he would shake his legs to make me feel like I'm sitting on a rocking chair. Those very warm welcoming greetings from my father is filled with laughter.

Even though, I'm the most beautiful and beloved baby in my country-side and my father favorited among his children. But, I don't why I can't shake away my following early childhood fearful thoughts: I'm denying about I'm a handicap/disability child. I'm denying about I'm a retarded child. I'm denying about I'm a special need child who can't fit in with other children.

Even though, it is just fearful thoughts. Also, because I'm the most beautiful and beloved baby, so my family and my country-side love me a lot. This mean they won't abandon me by put me in an orphanage. Or, mental hospital.

But, I still felt afraid about those fearful thoughts. Because of being afraid of those fearful thoughts, there are times I have nightmares while I'm asleep. Those nightmares are accidents killed my parents. And, I'm alone and being haunted by my fearful thoughts. I would wake up at the middle of the night and started crying. My parents would ask me if I wanted to sleep with them. So, I would sleep with them.

Even sleeping with my parents in the same bed, there are still a few times I have nightmares while I'm asleep.

In addition, because of those fearful thoughts. I'm afraid to go to dark place or walk alone during the nighttime. Example: Our restroom is hundreds of yards away from our house at our backyard. At nighttime, when I wanted to use the restroom, I would asked a sibling to go with me.

There are very limited of electricity and only very few lamp poles. So, it is very dark at the nighttime. You have to use flashlight or oil lamp to see where you are walking.

Anyway, because of those fearful thoughts. I felt the need to be around my parents. That is why I'm denying about I'm a special need child who can't fit in with other children. So, each time my parents take the bus to the capital city, Ho Chi Minh to pick up their packages. I would be upset about my parents is not around. I would be more upset if my parents didn't tell me ahead of time they are taking the bus to Ho Chi Minh.

One time, I found out my parents didn't wanted to upset me, so sneak away early in the morning to take the bus to the city. I started crying, shouting, and banging my front door.

It took me about 20-30 minutes to calm down and stop crying. Anyway, the crying and shouting woke my whole family. So, I would argues that my siblings think I have parent attachment problems.

I'm sleeping with my parents on my parents' bed, I still have nightmares. So, the thoughts of them sneaking away from me is very upsetting to me. That is why I was crying and shouting.

It is hard for me to picture the most beautiful and beloved baby in my country-side crying and shouting like that. So, I'm trying to find ways to reason with myself why I would cry and shout like that.

When my parents return back to the country-side, I would told them that I have forgive them. They would told me next time, they will bring me along with them.

The next time they went to the city they took me with them. I was very happy and glad about it. And, try to forget about that day I was crying and shouting, because they sneaked away to the city.

The whole time I try to be on my best behavior, so the next time they would bring me with them again.

On the way from our house to the bus station, they stopped at the bread store. While at the bread store, they told me that those bread bakers have to wake up very early in the morning to bake breads. If you watch closely to those bakers you could pick up a few bread baking techniques. It sound strange asking my parents why does the bakers have to use their feet to step on those bread doughs? So, I asked them the following question instead: "It is the techniques or the recipe that make those breads tasted so good?"

"Do you still think those bread tasted so good if you know those bakers have stepped on them?" My father answered.

"I still think those French bread tasted very delicious knowing those bakers have stepped on them or not." I mumbled and look around at the many trays of freshly baked French breads.

My parents decided to treated me to a big reward, because it is the first time they are taking me to the city with them. So, they decided to buy me a house special meat bun in the bread store. Buying me a bread is already a reward, so the meat bun is a big reward.

My eye wide-open and I have to stop myself from drooling about that meat bun. I would embraced that meat bun close to my body.

My mother would tease me about she never seen me this happy before. Also, she would continue with I have not stop smiling the whole trip so far. So far in our trip, I didn't thought of that day I was so upset at my parents that I was crying and shouting at them. Also, I act as though that day never happen. My parents really like me.

Even though, I'm drooling and wanting to eat that meat bun so badly. But, I'm holding it close to my body to show that my parents really like me that is why they bought me this meat bun.

Because it is the first time my parents took me with them. This mean it is the first time I'm riding a bus. So, I'm very excited about riding the bus with my parents.

Inside the bus and while the bus is traveling to the city, I would be busy looking outside of the bus's window.

Half way, a teenager girl got on the bus. The bus is filled with all the seats taken and many people standing. So, she asked me and my parents if she could sit next to me. Me and my parents said okay.

The whole time she probably have friendly greeting and very few friendly chat. Then, she got to her stop. As she getting off the bus, she handed me a bag of cookies. My parents gave me a nod to accept that bag of cookies.

"Is she a guardian angel? Why is she so nice to me?" I asked my parents. "Maybe she like you." My mother would tease me.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 08" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Announcement 11 Part 05.

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